


Cut Me Farther

by Darth_Valer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Angst, BDSM, Blood and Gore, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gorn, Knifeplay, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Stripping, Taco Bell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:28:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Valer/pseuds/Darth_Valer
Summary: Josh is a stripper.Tyler owns a record store.But it's more complicated than that.





	1. Tear In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Joshler fic and I apologise in advance to Tyler, Josh and Jenna etc. please forgive me. This thing is rated explicit for a reason, people, and stuff that goes on here is probably not very healthy. It's not **that** horrific imo, but just keep those two things in mind for **later** chapters. Also thanks to my friend JPeach for inspiring this with their original work 'Love Me Dead'. Follow their tumblr for me: [jpeach-lookinforsnacks](http://jpeach-lookinforsnacks.tumblr.com/)

It was about four in morning, but unlike most people Josh was wide awake. The music saw to that, it pounded throughout the veins of the establishment, all the way back into the dressing rooms. He honestly wished they would just turn it off, all the patrons were gone now, but the idea of going to anyone and talking to anyone just made him more anxious.

Josh was nursing his bruised-up face with an icepack in front of his mirror when his door slammed open. He’d been a complete fool and messed up their last performance, and now had a black eye to show for it. He jumped and involuntarily shoved the ice in his black eye causing him to hiss at the pain. But in his mirror, he saw it was Brendon and Josh’s shivers intensified.

He did not dare look to the left, but he could see Brendon at his dressed out of the corner of his eye moving erratically, searching for something. A billion thoughts buzzed through Josh’s head. _Should I say something? Should I apologise? Will that just make it worse?_

Josh drew up enough courage to sneak a peak at Brendon who was of course drawing thin white lines along his dresser at that very moment. Josh looked away as he snorted them with one of his dollar bills from the show. Josh instead tried to calm his breathing. He didn’t have much time to spend on it, though as he heard Brendon huffing.

“Nice work out there Joshie,” Bredon said. He sounded strangely chipper, but Josh didn’t trust him for a second.

“Look, Brendon I’m sor-”

“Don’t worry about it Joshie!” Brendon said, holding up his hand before getting up to lean over Josh from behind.

To say Josh was uncomfortable feeling Brendon literally breath down his neck was an understatement. Brendon’s gaze met his in the mirror as he gripped his jaw with one of his hands.

“Just… make sure it _doesn’t_ happen again,” Brendon said, suddenly digging his nails into Josh’s skin. “…Or you’ll get what’s been coming to you. You’re useless, forgettable. You think anyone’d care if something happened to you?”

Josh endured the pain as he slunk his hand into his dresser, blinking back tears. The moment he palmed the knife, he shoved off his seat and slammed Brendon against the wall, both men grunting upon impact. The blade glinted against Brendon’s throat as Josh’s whole body was shaking.

“Brendon, I don’t wanna do this!” Josh exclaimed, his voice higher pitched than he’d like.

“You’re scared, you really are pathetic…”

Josh thrust to knife Brendon’s throat harder, who choked. “You’re right! I’m freaking out, okay! I don’t want to slash your throat Brendon, but I want you to leave me the fuck alone!”

 Brendon groaned, his neck being nicked by the knife. “Geeze… fine, I’m sorry… forgive and forget alright?”

Josh nodded, “Okay…” Josh released him and Brendon stroked his bloodied throat.

“More shitty injuries, from _you_ ,” Brendon murmured, “I’m supposed to be pretty, you know?”

Josh neglected to respond and returned his knife to his dresser, before getting dressed in a hoodie and jeans. Both of them were still wearing only jock straps from the show.

“Also, you keep a knife in your dresser? That’s fucking weird,” Brendon observed, as his watched Josh dress, pupils dilated.

“Says the cokehead.”

“Hey coke’s not weird,” Brendon retorted, “Plenty of other guys have coke in their shit, but I bet no-one else has got knives right? Must be why you’re such a fucking loner.”

Josh rolled his eyes as picked up his bag and headed to the door. “I’m outta here.”

“Have fun, don’t stab someone!” Bredon chimed.

“Have fun getting high alone.”

-

The seriously early hours of the mourning were the only time the city seemed to actually chill out a bit. Even so, plenty of people were still out, though most establishments were closed. Josh made his way down dark allies and across brightly lit streets. It was windy, but seemed mostly calm, until a bolt of lightning shimmered across the sky.

 _Crap_ , he thought. Rain itself he didn’t mind, but he really didn’t want to be wet _and_ tired on his way home. He was walking down a mostly empty street when the rain really decided to start pelting down. All the shops were shadowed and closed, until, in the distance he saw a gleaming yellow light.

The rain came down in streams and wind howled as he came across the sole store lit up on the street, as if God himself had decided to grant him respite from being drenched in this relentless rain. The first thing he saw when he was when reaching the outside of this store was the sign on OPEN, at _four_ in the morning. What kind of place was open for business at four?

He glanced inside and saw, it was a record store. Josh smiled to himself. _Perfect_.

He pulled the door open and tried to gently close it behind him but a sudden gust of wind pulled it from his wet hand and slammed it behind him, sending a shockwave across the record store. Josh gingerly turned, blushing and expecting a bunch of eyes on him. Instead, the store was nigh empty, besides the one guy sitting on the counter who was looking up at Josh from whatever he had been doing.

Josh waved, apologetically. “Sorry, wind.”

The guy smirked. “Yeah, I noticed.”

Josh stepped further inside, sopping wet. He heard a few lyrics from a song fill the store: _she’s the tear in my heart, I’m alive, she’s the tear in my heart, I’m on fire._ It sounded like a song from a different era. Josh hadn’t heard before, but it sounded pretty good in his opinion. He was already getting a grasp of the song’s beat in his head.

Josh glanced around the place for a bit as he moved further in, before glancing back at the guy sitting on the counter. “Yeah, you’re the only person here, _at four in the morning_ ,” the guy said, not looking up this time.

It was then Josh noticed that the guy was just straight up _tattooing himself_ , copying designs that he had on paper laid out before him on the ground. The tattoos were simple enough, only black, but at the same time seemed to be very specific in their design. In Josh’s opinion, this guy seemed non-descript appearance wise, being kinda skinny and lightly tanned with short, brown hair. The only things about him that struck Josh were his pretty, pink lips and how tired he looked with dark bags under his eyes.

“Not many people are open for business right now,” Josh said.

“The perks of being an insomniac,” the guy replied, “You’d think at least someone else would want to get a break from this weather, though.” As if to punctuate his point lighting flashed in the distance and thunder boomed while the rain belted harder against the windows.

_She’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver. She’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther than I’ve ever been._

Josh’s lips quirked at the sudden change of the song’s context. “Can’t say I expected that,” he said.

“What?” the guy replied.

“The song,” Josh explained. “She’s actually tearing his heart.”

The guy looked to him and smirked again, “Oh yeah, that’s a doozy. One of my favourites.”

“I’ve never heard it before,” Josh replied, leaning in a bit.

“It’s pretty underground. Whoever made it is anonymous, though. Called themselves _Twenty One Pilots_.”

“Sick.”

If this guy had anything more say about it he didn’t show it. But for some reason, he seemed sad for a moment, before abruptly remembering Josh.

“If you need anything _please_ ask, I could really use the business,” the guy said, expression returning to neutral, “My name’s Tyler by the way.”

Josh cleared his throat and moved over to the counter, before holding out a free hand to shake. “I’m Josh, nice to me you.”

Tyler took the hand and shook it, seeming amused again. “It’s nice to be met,” he said, before scrutinizing Josh’s dripping body. 

 “You’re really wet, dude,” Tyler observed, still firmly holding his hand. “I’m getting you an umbrella.”

Without hearing anything Josh had to say in response, Tyler put down his tattoo needle and disappeared through a door behind the counter. Josh rubbed his heavy eyes, checking out the band posters lining the walls. He returned moments later holding a completely black umbrella, coming out from behind the counter and thrusting it into Josh’s hands.

“Uh… thanks man,” Josh said, getting more of a look at Tyler. He wore a black singlet and had most of the tattoos done. Josh wondered at their meaning.

“No problem,” Tyler said, before hopping on the counter again and returning to his work.

“You look like you know what you’re doing,” Josh said.

Tyler paused but didn’t look at Josh. “Yeah.”

“But you gave yourself all these tattoos just now?” The ones he’d just done were obviously raw.

“I’ve given other people tattoos,” Tyler explained, seeing the lack of logic. “But tonight, I decided to just give myself these, because why not? It’s not like I had anything better to do.”

“Fair enough I guess…” Josh replied.

Josh spent a few minutes browsing the records, yawning and occasionally glancing up to the front windows to check the rain. It was still pouring down outside.

“It’s gonna be like that all day,” Tyler provided when Josh looked up again, “‘S why I got you the umbrella.”

Josh glanced over to him, blinking. “How do you know?”

“The forecast, man.”

“Oh, right.” _I’m an idiot._

“You alright?” He seemed a little concerned (and a little amused).

Josh’s cheeks blazed again. “Nah… I’m good. Just tired I guess… I got off work like half an hour ago… and a co-worker threatened me after I messed a thing up...”

“Sounds like a nice working environment,” Tyler noted, giving Josh his full attention from his tattooing. “Are you alright?”

 _Are you alright?_ A question Josh’s heart soared hearing, a question that he hadn’t heard in _so_ long. But he only gave Tyler a fake smile and said, “Don’t worry about me. I sorted it out.” Old habits die hard.

Tyler didn’t seem to believe him, but didn’t push it. “What kind of job ends this early in the morning, though? Are you, like, a nurse?” The inevitable question.

“Uh…” Josh’s eyes made trails over Tyler.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t-”

“I’m a stripper,” Josh interrupted.

Surprise glimmered in Tyler’s eyes for a moment, but he became his casual self again not a moment later. “Huh, interesting.”

“But don’t get the wrong impression, it’s not that bad a job!” Josh rambled, trying to fill the silence. “It’s just that one guy. Could do much worse! You could make a killing doing it, dude. I’d recommend it.”

Tyler smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

There was an awkward pause in the music at that very moment, before Josh wondered, “And I guess you own this place?”

“Yeah. I play music sometimes as well, I guess,” Tyler explained.

Suddenly Josh was very interested. “Sick! What do you play?”

Tyler grinned again at Josh’s exclamation. “All sorts of stuff. Whatever I want, really. I’ve been playing for decades.”

“Decades?” Josh repeated, a confused look coming across his face. “You don’t look _that_ old.”

Tyler blushed. “I can be hyperbolic sometimes. I’m a songwriter, right? I’m always thinking about songs in my head, sometimes they spill out into the real world. Start talking like that in real life…”

“Right…” Josh said, “It’s just… I play drums on the side.” In truth, there was almost nothing he did but play drums, it was all he thought about, all the time. His only true passion. But Tyler didn’t need to hear him gush about his obsession.

“That’s nice,” Tyler said, but his smile seemed forced.

Josh cursed himself in his head for saying something wrong before yawning _again_. “God, I’m so tired.”

“Maybe you should get to bed then?” Tyler suggested. “Will you be alright getting home, man?”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks...” Josh started heading to the door, before having a thought and turning back to Tyler. “Hey, do you wanna hang out some time?”

A nervous look came to Tyler’s face. “Uh… I don’t know Josh. Maybe.”

Josh felt a twinge of regret and he didn’t know why. It’s not like he knew Tyler at all. _I said something stupid and he doesn’t like me anymore_ , Josh decided. Though maybe Tyler _never_ had liked him. And now Josh was wondering why he cared if this random guy liked him.

 “Okay,” Josh replied, not really knowing what else to say before pushing the door open, “See you round then.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Tyler replied, going back to his tattooing as the wind slammed the door shut again, noise blasting through the store once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I have no issue with Brendon, I'm sure he's lovely, I just needed someone to be a huge dick.


	2. I Need Something

Josh woke at about five in the afternoon. He groaned, still feeling tired, but figured he might as well get up. It was his day off, thank God, but he had nothing to do. He rolled out of the covers and looked around his barebones apartment. He didn’t own much besides his laptop, drums, speakers and knife collection. Never really felt like he needed anything else. He padded over to the his small kitchenette and hummed to himself as he brewed coffee, anticipating getting punched in the face by caffeine. As he waited be picked up the butterfly knife he kept on his counter and flailed it around his hand.

“She’s the tear in my heart…” Josh murmured, tapping the beat on the counter with his free hand, “I’m alive… she’s the tear in my heart… I’m on fire…”

That song from _what’s his face’s_ shop. Apparently, it was stuck in Josh’s head. _Who had he said it was by_?

Josh sipped his steaming coffee as he relinquished his knife and walked over to the laptop. He typed the lyrics into google and found them: _Twenty One Pilots._ A pitiful _Wikipedia_ article explained the band had been active in the fifties and sixties before they broke up. They never achieved much mainstream success and the three people in the band were all dead now. Beyond that, there was little else. He searched _YouTube_ for their songs and to the few he found, he listened.

One strange song caught Josh’s attention. It was short and titled, “I Need Something.” It was the last song they ever made, according to description.

_I need something… to kill me… I am tired of taking my own life…_

The words repeated over and over again, and Josh felt unnerved. Whoever this _Twenty One Pilots_ guy was, he was some kind of proto-emo.

Josh pushed himself away from the laptop. He’d had enough of them and decided to take a shower. Once he was done he practiced drumming for a while. When he was all tired out he flopped on his bed, staring at the ceiling with no clue what to do next. Thunder shook the apartment building and he stared out into the cityscape from the window. As rain started to pour across the neon jungle, Josh involuntarily glanced at the umbrella which he had hanging from the back of the door. _Tyler’s_ umbrella.

Josh figured should go and give it back to him, since it wasn’t as if he didn’t have his own. But it was about eight at night and he had no clue what time Tyler’s store closed. Plus, Josh had said something weird last time he was there. Or at least he _thought_ he had, so maybe Tyler didn’t want to see him. His memories were a bit of a haze from the morning; he couldn’t even remember walking home. He would’ve googled the store, if he remembered the name but sadly, no bananas. Regardless of when Tyler’s store closed, he knew Tyler was an insomniac, so maybe what happened that morning was a common occurrence. Maybe Tyler’s store would be open the time Josh got off work, so he could just go then in the morning. Instead of doing anything productive, he decided to watch several episodes of The X-Files for the night and order pizza.

-

It was still raining a bunch when Josh returned to Tyler’s record store at four the next morning. Luckily, it was open again, which filled Josh with more joy than he would’ve liked to admit. He noted was named _Vinyl Destination_. _Nice_. Josh closed the door firmly this time and saw Tyler at the counter again, not tattooing himself this time. Josh did a double take noticed there were stairs at the back of the store leading to a second level. Apparently, he really hadn’t been paying much attention last time, since he couldn’t remember those.

“Hey,” Josh said, putting on a smile and waving again.

“Hey dude!” Tyler said and Josh noticed he was on his second can of red bull. “I was wondering if you were going to be back.”

If things were weird from last time, Tyler didn’t seem to convey it. In fact, he was beaming.

Josh went over to the counter, trying to forget about whatever happened last time. “Not a lot of customers still?” he asked.

“Well… no-one else may be here now but there _have_ been some people who’ve come in here in between you being here,” Tyler replied before chugging the rest of his red bull. Josh noticed the wedding ring on his finger. Another thing he couldn’t remember from last time.

“I’m not judging, but isn’t it a little early for red bull?” Josh wondered, still smiling.

“You sound like my mom,” Tyler said, though he was still smiling. Josh couldn’t stop staring at his pink, wet lips. “I like red bull, I’m a big boy now: what else is there to say?”

“I mean, fair enough, dude.”

There was a pause.

“So, what brings you back here Josh?”

“I wanted to return this,” Josh replied, holding up the black umbrella.

Tyler raised an eyebrow, like he didn’t entirely believe that. Maybe he was right to be suspicious. Maybe Josh just want to see him again. “You can keep it, if you want. I really don’t mind.”

Josh waved it off. “It’s not like I don’t have an umbrella, I just figured you’d want it back.”

“Well… thanks,” Tyler said, caving and accepting it back and putting it somewhere underneath the counter.

Josh saw his arm tattoos again, still red and raw like last time.

“Nice tats bro,” he commented and Tyler hesitated. “Don’t think I said that last time?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Tyler replied. “They’ve been… sore.”

“They’re like that when you get ‘em,” Josh said, sliding up his shirt arm and showing Tyler his own sleeve.

Tyler whistled as he fiddled with his ring. “Awesome.”

The conversation died after that and Josh decided to browse records. He didn’t own a record player, but figured he _should_.

“You know I don’t actually own a record player,” he announced abruptly.

“Well, I’ve got some, if you’re interested,” Tyler replied.

“Yeah, I think I would be.”

And so, Tyler led him over to the collection of record players, babbling about what was best, what was cheapest and what fucked up your records the hardest. Josh hadn’t really asked, but he enjoyed Tyler’s energetic ranting regardless: it was adorable. Money wasn’t a huge issue, since he almost never bought anything and got tipped heaps for his _performances_ , but he bought something fairly modest.

“You know, if I’m going to get a record player, I should at least get a record.”

“Ahh… you’ve come to the perfect place, sir,” Tyler said, bouncing on the spot. “Grab whatever you want.”

Josh picked out a few records, before coming across a vinyl he recognised from all his googling. _Blurryface_ by _Twenty One Pilots_.

 _Why the heck not?_ he thought before adding it to his pile and returning to Tyler.

Tyler’s dark eyes flicked to _Blurryface_ on top of the albums and he smirked. “Good choices,” he said before putting everything in a bag and exchanging cash.

“You gonna be alright carrying that thing?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah don’t worry about me, man,” Josh replied, feeling as if their time together was coming to an end. He had to act before Tyler was lost to him and his only acquaintance was Brendon, who _hated_ him. “Hey, I know I asked last time and I’m not trying to sound desperate, but I’d really be interested in like hanging out with you at some time. If you want, that is.”

Tyler seemed a little pained by what Josh had said. All the energy from the red bulls had drained from him. “Um… listen I don’t…” Josh noticed he was playing with his ring again and wondered if that was the issue.

“Not as like a _date thing_ , as a friend thing. I’m just interested in friendship. Since you’re…” Josh trailed off, blatantly eyeing the ring.

Tyler seemed caught off guard and blushed. “Oh, uh that’s not the issue at all…” Tyler replied, pausing. A thousand emotions passed across his face as he thought, and Josh was really curious _what_ the issue was.

“It’s not… you… it’s me.” Tyler scoffed at himself. “Can’t believe I just said that… but I guess it’s just the truth.” He sighed. “Look you seem really nice Josh, but I dunno if it’s a good idea for you to for us to get close.”

“Why?” Josh sounded pathetic, like a child. _Why does this matter so much to me?_

“It might turn out badly...”

“What if… we just take a chance?” Josh asked, having no clue what else to really say.

Tyler gave Josh a hard look as he continued slide the ring up and down his finger. Ultimately though, he relented. “Ok, I guess we can take a chance.”

And Josh grinned. “Awesome. Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know. I don’t go out much.”

“Neither… but how about _Taco Bell_?”

Tyler’s eyes sparkled as if he’d suddenly drunk another red bull. “I love _Taco Bell_. I wrote a whole song about it.”

Josh smirked. “I’d like to hear that.”

“Ah… one day maybe,” Tyler replied, though a regretful look flashed across his face immediately afterwards. Josh didn’t really notice.

They decided that they’d go on Josh’s next day off and exchanged their numbers before farewelled each other in a manner similar to last time. Josh had briefly opened his own umbrella on the way home, carrying his new record player, but as he walked the clouds cleared and the sun shone like the smile he couldn’t keep off his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where else were they gonna go? im very original


	3. TB Saga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i will finish this, i just update when i have the motivation to write rather keeping to any schedual.

It was midday when Josh heard a knock at his door. Josh found Tyler standing behind it, he’d arrived just at the time they had agreed. Tyler was all in black and had a look of uncertainty on his face, he didn’t have his wedding ring on, either. Josh didn’t know if this whole ordeal was a _friend date_ or a _sexy date_ (as sexy as one could be at _Taco Bell_ ). But Josh decided to try and not focus on that all and just be himself.

“How’s it going man? Ready to get stuffed?”

“ _Heck yeah_ dude. Been anticipating this.”

Josh smirked. “‘Heck yeah’? Ya know you can say ‘hell yeah’ around me, right?”

“Dude, that’s _not_ cool. My mom wouldn’t appreciate it if I said that,” Tyler explained, smirking too. The anxiety on his face had vanished and Josh breathed a silent sigh of relief.

The two of them made their way out of the apartment and decided on walking to their nearest _Taco Bell_. It wasn’t raining, but it was still cold and wet. The sun was trying its hardest to shine through the clouds, but the light was fading. As they walked, Josh watched Tyler watch everyone. Josh could see the gears turning in Tyler’s head and Tyler could see different gears.

“This is the centre of everything,” Tyler announced, abruptly. “A bustling metropolis, the culmination of everything that came before. Everyone’s got places to be, people to see. No-one looks up, no-one wants to know anything about you. Nobody cares.”

“Sounds like you hate it.”

“I do,” Tyler admitted as he dragged his hand across a concrete wall. The building it belonged to was taller than the sky.

“Why’d you come here, then?”

“Cause I didn’t want to meet someone who cared,” he said, staring Josh right in the eyes, seeming almost regretful. “But, here I am, with _you_.” Tyler looked away from him and up at the building they were passing. Taking his hand off it. It was in a brutalist style, a giant grey rectangle: drab and hopeless. The clouds supressed it.

Tyler smiled suddenly, peering onward. “And I bet I’m making you really depressed, or think I’m incredibly pretentious.”

“Or both,” Josh replied, smirking. “But I agree with you. If you’re being pretentious but I agree with you anyway, then it doesn’t really matter right?”

“I guess not.”

There was a pause in the conversation as they came to the lights. Josh couldn’t help but sneak glances at Tyler, he was beginning to suspect something odd was going on with the man, but he hadn’t a clue what it was.

“So, what brought you to this city?” Tyler wondered as the lights changed and they started walking again.

“I’ve lived here for a while, ever since my parents kicked me out,” Josh explained. “I came from a small town and wanted a change, I guess. I just decided to pack up everything and live my own life far away from them all. Thought this place would be a lot of things it isn’t.”

“Why’d they kick you out?”

“They didn’t like that I’m bi.”

Tyler gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s their loss,” Josh said, reluctant to admit missing them at all. Still, deep down he felt an emptiness from their rejection of him. “What about you? What’s up with your parents?”

“They’re dead.”

Josh stopped walking, feeling like he’d just stepped in it. “Tyler, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just…”

“Calm down, Josh,” Tyler said, halting also and giving him an amused look, “I’m fine now. I figured you’d ask, since I asked you first, right?”

“Oh… still, that sucks.”

“Yeah, they died in a fire when I was a kid.  My whole family did, actually.”

“Jesus, that sounds like something you’d hear in a story or whatever, never in real life.”

“It is pretty strange, I guess,” Tyler admitted. “Still, don’t be sorry, I got over it a long time ago.”

“…So you’re like an orphan, then?”

“I guess so. Doesn’t really matter anymore.”  Tyler paused in thought for a moment. “You know, neither of us have said ‘dude’, or ‘man’ in a while. We’re kind of losing our cool and casual demeanour here.”

“Well we can’t have that, dude.”

“Nah,” Tyler said. “Come on, man, it’s not far now.”

-

The two of them arrived at _Taco Bell_ not much later and ordered their greasy, fake Mexican, food. Tyler was grinning and jittery, seemingly in awe of everything in the bright and colourful fast food restaurant. He reminded Josh of that morning at the record store where Tyler had been hyped on red bull.

“Hard to imagine that a minute ago you were complaining about how superficial everything in this city is,” Josh observed as they waited to be called for their food.

   “That’s interesting,” Tyler replied as if he’d just had a magical realization. “I love this place, but its just another surface level thing, huh? Like this isn’t Mexican, but we lie to ourselves and say it is and we don’t care because its tacos.” That same emptiness Tyler had found in the city was inside the restaurant as well, just dressed in bright colours and lights.

Josh smirked. “You think way too much, dude.”

Tyler was about to reply when they were called to get their food. They took a seat by the window with their tacos in hand and ate quietly. It was raining now, and they both watched as water washed over the windows. People hurried by with umbrellas and the cars all moved at a snail’s pace. It was all really grey now outside. Josh wished it wasn’t so cold and wet here, it reminded him too much of home.

He looked to Tyler and saw him gawking at the city as well, that energy Tyler’d had was gone again. Josh wondered what was going through his head, something overthought perhaps, that seemed to be his way. Despite knowing him for a few days, Josh felt like they’d spent a lifetime together, he almost wished they had. That small town would’ve burned all the brighter with the presence of his new friend. Tyler’s doe eyes were sad and his lips moved slightly as he chewed. Josh found himself admiring how pretty Tyler’s fluttering lashes were, how perfect his pixie nose was; it had blushed red along with his cheeks in the cold weather.

Suddenly Josh noticed how long he’d been staring and moved his eyes off Tyler. He was still anxious about the nature of their relationship. Josh wasn’t that knowledgeable about Tyler, but he suspected Tyler was an expert at talking about useless things. Josh wondered if Tyler would bring up  the nature of their relationship or if he should.

“To say that I have mixed feelings about _this_ would be an understatement,” Tyler told him suddenly, as if he’d been reading Josh’s thoughts in order to immediately prove Josh’s suspicions wrong.

Josh couldn’t help but feel a little inadequate, as if it was because of him Tyler was so conflicted. But Josh remembered what Tyler said, that it wasn’t _him,_ it was Tyler. Cliched line or not, Josh had no reason to not believe Tyler was telling the truth.

“I figured,” Josh replied, trying to keep his tone casual.

Tyler fell silent, turning his head in Josh’s direction to lock their gazes.  

“So, what _are_ you so worried about?” Josh blurted out, throwing caution to the wind for once. “Did you get burned by love?”

“Getting burned would’ve been quicker.”

 _What the hell does that mean?_ Josh doesn’t say that out loud cause it would’ve been, ya know, rude. “So, if you’ve sworn off love and friendship or something… why’d you agree to this?”

Tyler’s eyes met Josh’s and his expression was warm. “I like the way you smile. I like how your eyes crinkle up and your cheeks get all dimpled. To call you handsome would be an understatement.”

And Josh was blushing and smiling, which made Tyler’s expression grow warmer in response.

“There it is,” Tyler said. “I think you’d beat the moon in a pretty contest.”

Josh chuckled. “That’s real cheesy dude.” The line did seem oddly familiar to him, but his contemplation was interrupted by Tyler.

“But there’s also something good about you. Something nice. _Something like home_. And I guess… I’m just so lonely, Josh.” Tyler’s eyes dropped to his hands and his face became grim. “I cut myself off from everyone. It’s just who I am.”

“Why?” Josh asked in a small voice.

Tyler smiled sadly, but neglected to answer him. “I guess you make me not want to cut myself off. But… sorry, I always do a great job at bringing the mood down. That’s what… _that’s what I’ve been told_.”

Josh shook his head and placed his free hand on Tyler’s. “No, I understand… I don’t really have any friends. Everyone I work with is a dick and all my customers… they don’t want to know how alone I feel, they just want one thing.”

 Tyler gripped his hand in response. He wasn’t still looking at him, but Josh thought maybe there were tears in his eyes. “Well, I’d like to hear all about it, Josh.”

Josh could stop himself smiling again.

Tyler suddenly relinquished Josh’s hand. “Its gotten hot all of a sudden,” Tyler admitted.

“I wouldn’t have anything to do with that, right?”

“It’s plausible,” Tyler said, finally gazing into Josh’s eyes and also setting down his taco as he began pulling off his black sweater. He was in a tank top and Josh spied his new tattoos on his lean arms. But Josh frowned when he saw they were still inflamed, as if they’d just been applied.

“Whoa, are your tats alright, man?” By Josh’s reckoning they should’ve healed by then.

Tyler gave Josh a strange look before noticing his arms himself. “Uh yeah… I think they might have gotten infected? I have super sensitive skin too… so they’re probably gonna be like that for a while…”

“Should get a lotion or something. They probably have a lotion for that.”

“I don’t think that’d help…” Tyler said, his attention was drawn back to his crumpled-up sweater on the seat. “You know… I think I was better being too warm. I’m too cold now.”

Josh really regretted saying anything as he watched Tyler awkwardly put back on the sweater. They were having such a good moment and Josh had to ruin it, like he ruined _everything._ Brendon was right.

“Uh… whatever suits you I guess,” Josh said, weakly, taking a timid bite of his taco.


End file.
